"We Love You As You Are", said no one ever

If this feels like your childhood, then you may have CPTSD.

Here's how I learned that I have it and what I did to make my life bearable.

Something's wrong with you Something was done to you
It's all in your head Your body remembers
You think too much You feel others' pain
You need to move on You need to grieve
You are a disgrace Your pain is real
You don't deserve You are invited
You're weak You made it to now
No one understands I do

I spent years thinking that I was defective.
I was told it was weakness. Thinking too much. Depression. Anxiety. Autism*.
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong.

It is CPTSD — complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

"Wait, That's Not Normal?" Common signs of CPTSD

It is not in my mind — it's etched into my body.
I wish someone had told me this 10, 20, 30 years ago.

But wait, I was never under mortar fire, never hit by a car, never watched helplessly as my dearest suffered. How can I have "Trauma"?

Almost nobody understands that they deal with the effects of trauma, but I heard that up to 80% of us humans do.

Joining the club is as easy as "My parents were always busy, so I just kept drawing in my corner."

As easy as being betrayed by those whom you needed the most when you needed them the most.

This website is about how every day of my life was hell and then less hell.

What You'll Find Here

I tried to make my life bearable for decades, starting way before I found out that my condition had a name. See if any of my lessons will save your time and energy.

→ Start with My Story

SMALL PRINT

I'm not a therapist. I'm not healed. I sell neither hopes nor promises.
I'm someone with CPTSD who hated himself and then slowly learned to forgive himself and others.

This website is planned as a record of what worked for me and what did not. See if anything here makes your life easier.

If you're here after googling "why can't I just be like everyone else" - I am you.